Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you Dumb Ass"
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Catholic Girls
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ ?
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, " Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.
One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ ?
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, " Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.
One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
Friday, August 18, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Things I have learned
I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
No man or woman is worth your tears. The one who is, won't make you cry.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have!
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them!
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet that person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened!
There's always going to be people that hurt you. So what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try to know someone else & expect them to know you.
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
Whatever happens, happens for a reason!!!
No man or woman is worth your tears. The one who is, won't make you cry.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have!
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them!
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet that person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened!
There's always going to be people that hurt you. So what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try to know someone else & expect them to know you.
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
Whatever happens, happens for a reason!!!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
A Bad Joke
An extremely ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins? "
The woman says "No, he's nine and she's seven. Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"
Thursday, August 03, 2006
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